Hannah Morris on how feeling guilty about your kids is only intensified by a condition like MS
I recently confided in a friend because I was feeling pretty fed up of not having my own space any more thanks to the COVID-19 lockdown. I love my kids to bits. I’d do anything for them, really I would, but I also need a bit of my own space and peace each day too.
It felt wrong to have such feelings towards the very children that I have given birth to. I had reached a point of frustration that I just needed to get it off my chest. And, at such a low point for me, I needed that shoulder to cry on. Her first response was ‘mum guilt is real’. I had never heard of this term until this moment, but it made so much sense.
What is mum-guilt?
There are so many reasons why we mums experience overwhelming feelings of guilt. To name a few...
Most mums experience this to some extent at some point, but for people with multiple sclerosis (MS) these feelings can be exacerbated further as a result of some of the symptoms of MS.
Examples
For me personally, there are three symptoms in particular that have an indirect effect on my level of mum guilt – cogfog, sensory overload and fatigue.
How to help yourself have a break from this feeling (practically)
Firstly, let’s begin with how not to do it. For me, my mum guilt has been particularly noticeable at this time because I’m with my children 24/7 without the usual break that I get when they are at school in the day. Without that natural break I sometimes find myself staying up late just to get that peace, which of course had the knock-on on effect of increasing fatigue and grouchiness the next day!
In open discussion with other mummies with MS I’ve learnt some great practical tips from them that can help to reduce the impact of common MS symptoms impact on parenting and therefore reducing the level of mum-guilt as a result.
How to help yourself have a break from this feeling (emotionally)
As my friend said, ‘mum guilt is real’ and it truly is, especially for those of us with MS who have additional challenges to manage too. It’s not easy, but there are ways that we can make things easier for ourselves.
My research
As part of my research, I am hoping to support others in the same situation and invite you to join me in this endeavour by having your say in what would help you.
If you are happy to help out then you can complete this online survey here by clicking the ‘start’ button at the bottom of the page.
Or you can go directly to the survey by clicking here