MS-UK Counsellor Jas Sembhi explains a simple way to cope with worries
Something that comes up a lot in counselling sessions is people saying that they are struggling to manage the uncertainty about their future living with MS (multiple sclerosis). The uncertainty may be due to not knowing how long their present symptoms might last, when another relapse might occur, how long the relapse may last or worries about ‘what if the symptoms do not go away if I have another relapse?’ Thinking and worrying about the ‘what ifs’ can affect life in the present. The worry may be so consuming that person finds they spend less time focusing on what is happening right now.
Write it down
One of the ways I work with people in dealing with uncertainty is by getting them to make a list of all the things that they are uncertain about. We can do this together in the session as it might help to talk this through with someone. Or they may wish to go away and do this after the session, and it is something we can pick up on the following week. The reason I ask to make a physical list is that sometimes it is easier to focus on what we have written down, it will be there for us to refer back to when needed as we work through it.
Once we have this list, we then work on making two columns. One for the things that can be controlled and planned for, and one for those that cannot. For the list of things that cannot be controlled or planned for, together we work on self-compassion and soothing emotions that the client would like to manage.
One way we work on fears about an uncertain future is by clients starting to remind themselves that ‘this is something not in my control right now, I cannot always control what may or may not happen in the future, but I can start to focus on what I am able to control and plan for.’ Hopefully, by being able to soothe fears with this kind of self-talk, a person can use this new way of thinking when the worries of the ‘what if’ creep in. Clients can start to re-train their mind and bring back their focus to what they have spoken about in the second column – the things they can control. To be able to regain control and then start making plans can be empowering and allow the focus to be on ‘I can’ instead of ‘I cannot’.
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